Yo dont text me then not text me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
sarcasm needs its own font
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
