i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
