Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
