I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
