If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
