Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
