Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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