We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
