Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
