if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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