and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
