The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
