you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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