I got chris browned last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
