:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
