Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
