You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
