mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
