I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
