After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
