Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
