Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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