mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
