2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
