the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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