Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
two words...techno handjob
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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