Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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