Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
