i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
