We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
