I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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