i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
