so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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