Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
