apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
