Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
