where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
