she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
