I just cut my nipple shaving
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
