My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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