So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
