WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
