Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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