well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
