cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
