you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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