I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
