Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
