haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
