Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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