I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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