i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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