Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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