Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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