i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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